Choosing a Good Spouse in Marriage- ‘Abdus-Salaam bin ‘Abdillaah As-Sulaymaan
Choosing a Husband
Question: What are the most important considerations a young lady should make when choosing a husband? If she refuses someone simply for economic or worldly reasons, will that expose her to the punishment of Allaah?Response: The most important attributes that a woman must look for in selecting a husband are character and piety. Wealth and lineage are secondary considerations. The most important aspect is that the proposed groom be a person of piety and proper behavior. The person of proper behaviour and piety will not do his wife wrong. Either he will keep her in a way that is proper or he will leave her to go free in the best way.
Furthermore, the person of religion and behavior may be a blessing for her and her children. She may learn manners and religion from him. If he does not have those characteristics, she should stay away from him, especially if he is one of those who is lax with respect to performing the prayers or if he is known to drink alcohol, may Allaah save us. As for those who never pray, they are disbelievers. Believing women are not permissible for them nor are they permissible for the believing women. The important point is that the woman should stress character and piety. If he is also of a noble lineage, that is to be preferred. This is due to the Messenger of Allaah's (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) statement:
((If a person whose religion and character you approve of comes to you, then marry him)).
However, if he is also suitable [in other ways, such as economics standing and so forth], that is better.
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen
Fataawa al-Mar.ah
http://www.fatwa-online.com/
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If someone is known not to perform the prayers in congregation, one should not marry him
Question: A young man came to me asking for my sister's hand in marriage. I inquired about him and discovered that he does not perform the prayer in congregation. Therefore, we differed about whether or not we should allow this marriage to take place. My brother said: "Marry him for perhaps Allaah will guide him." However, my father refused. I want to know the Islaamic ruling concerning this matter.Response: If someone is known not to pray in congregation, then he should not be wedded to. This is because not praying in congregation is an open, public display of disobedience to Allaah. This is one of the characteristics of the people of hypocrisy and it is one of the steps that leads to abandoning the prayer in totality. And abandoning the prayer completely is a greater form of kufr [that takes one out of the fold of Islaam]. Allaah has stated:
{Verily, the hypocrites seek to deceive Allaah, but it is He who deceives them. And when they stand to pray, they stand with laziness}, [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 142].
The Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said:
((The hardest prayers upon the hypocrites are the 'Ishaa. Prayers and the Fajr Prayers. If they knew what they had [of reward and blessings], they would come to them even if they had to crawl)). This was recorded by al-Bukhaaree and Muslim.
In this regard, ibn Mas’ood said: "During our time, none would lag behind the prayer in congregation except for the hypocrite who was well-known for his hypocrisy." This was recorded by Muslim in his Saheeh. It is also confirmed that the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said:
((The covenant between us and them is the prayer. Whoever abandons it has committed kufr (infidelity))). This was recorded by Ahmad and the compilers of the Sunan collections with a Saheeh chain.
The Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) also said:
((Between a man and disbelief and polytheism is the abandoning of the prayer)). This was recorded by Imam Muslim in his Saheeh.
There is no doubt that abandoning the prayer in congregation is one of the means that leads to abandoning the prayer in its totality, as we mentioned earlier.
We ask Allaah for guidance for all of us.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz
Fataawa al-Mar.ah
http://www.fatwa-online.com/
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A religious young man proposed to me but my mother refused
Question: I am seeking a solution to my problem. I am twenty-four years old. A young man proposed to me. He has finished college. He is from a religious family. After my father agreed to him, he asked me to come to see him. I saw him and was pleased with him and he was pleased with me. [We saw each other] because our pure religion has stated that I should see him and he should see me.However, when my mother came to realize that he was from a religious family, she became harsh against him and my father. She swore that such a marriage would never take place in anyway. My father desperately tried to persuade her, but to no avail. Do I have the right to seek the Law to intervene in this matter?
Response: If the matter is as you have mentioned in your question, then your mother has no right to make any objection. Indeed, such a stance is forbidden. You are not obliged to obey your mother in matter. This is because the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said:
((Obedience is in what is good and right)).
Rejecting a suitable proposal is not from what is good and right. In fact, it has been narrated that the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said:
((If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, you should marry him. If you do not do so, there will be tribulations in the land and great evil)).
If you have need to take your matter to a court of law, you would not be wrong in doing so.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz
Fataawa al-Mar.ah
http://www.fatwa-online.com/
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FORCING A YOUNG LADY TO MARRY A MAN THAT SHE DOES NOT WANT TO MARRY
[Q]: Is it allowed for a father to force his daughter to marry a particular man that she does not want to marry?
[A]: Shaykh Ibn Baaz – hafidhahullaah – responded by saying:
“Neither the father, or anyone other than the father, may force a woman who is under his guardianship to marry a man that she does not wish to marry. In fact her permission must be sought first. Allaah’s Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: “A previously married women (without a husband) must not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin is not married until her permission is sought.” They said: O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission sought? So he said: “By her being silent.”7 Another narration states: “Her silence is her permission.”8 Yet a third narration states: “A virgin’s father seeks her permission, and her permission is her remaining silent.”9 So the father must seek her permission if she is nine years of age or above. Likewise, her other guardians may not marry her off except by her permission. This is obligatory upon them all. If a lady is married without her permission, then the marriage will not be correct. This is because one of the conditions of a marriage contract is that both partners accept the marriage freely. So if she is married without her permission, by threat or coercion, then the marriage is null and void… If the (apparent) husband knows that she does not want him, then he should not approach the woman, even if the father approves of it. He must fear Allaah and not approach any wife that does not want him, even if the father claims that he did not coerce her. The man must avoid what Allaah has forbidden him. This is because Allaah’s Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam ordered that her permission be sought.
We also advise the woman to fear Allaah and to accept the man if her father finds that he suitable to marry her, as long as the prospective groom is good in his Religion and in his character. This is also the case if the one who is the guardian is not the girl’s father. We give this advice because there is a lot of good and a lot of benefit in marriage. Likewise, there are a lot of hazards in living as a maiden. So I advise all young ladies to accept those men who come to them for marriage, if they conform to the compatibility factors of marriage (i.e. good in Religion and character), they should not use studying, teaching, or anything else, as an excuse to get married.”
[Q]: Is it allowed for a father to force his daughter to marry a particular man that she does not want to marry?
[A]: Shaykh Ibn Baaz – hafidhahullaah – responded by saying:
“Neither the father, or anyone other than the father, may force a woman who is under his guardianship to marry a man that she does not wish to marry. In fact her permission must be sought first. Allaah’s Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: “A previously married women (without a husband) must not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin is not married until her permission is sought.” They said: O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission sought? So he said: “By her being silent.”7 Another narration states: “Her silence is her permission.”8 Yet a third narration states: “A virgin’s father seeks her permission, and her permission is her remaining silent.”9 So the father must seek her permission if she is nine years of age or above. Likewise, her other guardians may not marry her off except by her permission. This is obligatory upon them all. If a lady is married without her permission, then the marriage will not be correct. This is because one of the conditions of a marriage contract is that both partners accept the marriage freely. So if she is married without her permission, by threat or coercion, then the marriage is null and void… If the (apparent) husband knows that she does not want him, then he should not approach the woman, even if the father approves of it. He must fear Allaah and not approach any wife that does not want him, even if the father claims that he did not coerce her. The man must avoid what Allaah has forbidden him. This is because Allaah’s Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam ordered that her permission be sought.
We also advise the woman to fear Allaah and to accept the man if her father finds that he suitable to marry her, as long as the prospective groom is good in his Religion and in his character. This is also the case if the one who is the guardian is not the girl’s father. We give this advice because there is a lot of good and a lot of benefit in marriage. Likewise, there are a lot of hazards in living as a maiden. So I advise all young ladies to accept those men who come to them for marriage, if they conform to the compatibility factors of marriage (i.e. good in Religion and character), they should not use studying, teaching, or anything else, as an excuse to get married.”
